anger

I've been realizing lately that I'll think about an issue, or talk about an issue, and just get really pissed off. I've got a lot of anger about problems in the world. I believe it's right to be passionate for change, but just getting worked up and pissed off isn't ok. I know I need to direct that energy into positive change. I've had a very general anger towards the Border Patrol that was brought to surface last week. We had dinner with an incredible BPA. He was a great guy. Welcomed us into his home with open arms, well, the best he could with tiny kids running around screaming and a pizza in the oven. He talked to us about his conflict of being a strong faithful Christian working as a Border Patrol Agent. I walked in excited to speak with him, but pissed off about what he does. As I grew to like him for who he is and not his job title, I began to realize how ridiculous my attitude was. But then I got frustrated with the fact that despite his faith, he remains to be an agent just for the money. And my anger surfaced again. But in a different way this time. This time I was just frustrated with him and wanted to make him quit his job immediately. Originally, I had a generally anger towards all of Border Patrol. This evening made me realize that I was angry at people just because of a general idea of who I thought they all were. I was mad at Border Patrol because I convinced myself they were all horrible people who hated Mexicans and ran around trying bag up a good one everyday. I hated them for having a judgmental misconception based on a judgmental misconception I had. What makes me better than a BPA for knowing that they're not better than folks on the other side of a stupid fence? Nothing. I was behaving the same way some of them do, but in a different direction. I felt pretty hypocritical. There's still some shitheads out there, but there's shitheads everywhere. And God loves 'em anyhow. I don't look at BP as a whole the same way anymore. But I still wish that one agent would just quit his job and do what he wants to already!



This is a picture I took at the agent's house before dinner. He had passed around a bullet from an M16 for us all to see. Once we were done looking it, he placed it on the coffee table. Next to his open Bible. What an image. It personifies a few things to me. His personal struggle as a Christian Border Patrol Agent. War in the name of God. It was just wild to me.